感情: feeling a bit numb
音楽: "KARMA" - KOKIA
I know I shouldn't be posting right now because I'm rushing to do my thesis but what can I do when I can't think of something to write or type? D: And I have to tell ya, today was one of the most emptiest day I've ever had in my entire life. It felt rather useless that I have to go out of the house to "go to school" when I went to the computer shop just to kill time. Why? Because I haven't done in the last
I felt like an idiot because I have to make up excuses in such situations... While I was walking awhile ago to go to the computer shop, I was like a
lifeless spiritual creature who is just walking endlessly in the path of no return it's as if I don't have any destination. If not for the computer shop, I'd end up walking straight somewhere God knows where waiting to be eaten up by my darkened conscience until my existence will be all void.
Or probably I'm just tired of what's going on with my life? But if I stop, I will literally "stop" and jail myself in one room like a mentally-retarded hermit. And I already swore to my parents that I will finish this thesis defense w/in this summer.
Okay, this may sound exaggerating and all but it's really what I'm feeling right now. It felt like a tragedy was just bestowed upon me in which the circulation of life has stopped for me. In short, this body is indeed me but who's inside this malnourished and stubborn body is not the real me. It must be the other side of "me" who dejects/withdraws all positive things inside.
I don't know if I'll be able to last mt own life if I think this way and I can't share this "confidential" issue to anyone that's why I'm expressing it here because my cyber life is the only freedom left for me as of now.
And I apologize for posting nonsense and all dramatic emoness or whatever you call it. But really what can I say, I wanted to "rest" from this strenuous life I had. I can't even feel my worth and I don't even know the roots/cause of this depression which make things a bit difficult for me. It just came to me and I'm stuck into this dark world where I don't even want to stay. D:<