Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Judging by your cover

sentiment: a bit dismayed
harmony: "philosophy" by MOMO

I know everybody who will read this post can relate very much on this one. Yeah, it's another one of my cheesy posts but what can I do? I want to pull this feeling out and I decided to do this on my blog.

I hate it. I hate it when I am being judged by my outer shell in an instant. I know it's inevitable for anyone of us. The feeling of being betrayed, the feeling of being discriminated -- the aching feeling inside the heart whenever you remember someone "plasticized" you. *kuyashii* In my own point, it's okay to judge me but make sure it won't leak and came to my senses. But no! It came to me and that's what really made me feel broken and scattered.

If you are a male, then your being judged as a "homo", would you be happier? Of course NO! A big NO-NO! Sure I'm a bit effeminate on my actions at least I'm tactful with it and my respect for women is much higher than most guys around. And I have a loud mouth and some hints of girly actions but I am NOT a homo!!! x__X I just act like this but I am not!! I'm going to say this for the nth time. If you know my childhood history, you'd understand why I act like this. It's a long story but if you must know, I'm the youngest of the three siblings -- 2 girls and 1 boy (me) and I grew up without much father figure. My parents tend to be "overprotective" with all of us when we were still young and up to now.

So why I act a bit feminish most of the time? Well that's already natural to me you see. And acting real and natural is my thing. Why act like you're not the real "you"? And I already accepted myself as I am long time ago. I don't know why other people kept on talking about my sexuality. The heck, they didn't even know who I really am that's why they're doubting my masculinity. That's easy for them to say but what if that person has the same problem as I am facing now? Would he/she feel the way that I am feeling right now? I hope so...

I am me, and you are you. I can do something something to change my personally depending on the circumstances but I can't do something to change you. You can only change by yourself with my guidance but still the motivation to change still depends on you. That's it.

Haah~ Now that I let it out, I feel a lot better... To that person who still doubts about my sexuality, thank you for making me feel this frustration and make sure you mind your own sexual and identity beeswax not mine! This is not your life, man, for pitt's sake!


  1. *sigh* It really can't be helped now, can it?

    However, the important thing is that you know your own sexuality more than them. So what if they think you're homo or whatever merda they say about you? You know well that you're not, so just continue on dodging their blahs. You're doing great. >:3

    Besides, I like the way you are already. At least you do not go into EPIC FAIL by trying to act all macho and stuff. *tries not to puke at the thought of it* I find guys who try to be oh-so-damn masculine forkin' hilarious anyway. Not attractive at all. XDDDD

    *hugs oni!*

  2. thanks imouto!! ^__^ *i hug joo too*

    Well, what can I say? I'm not really the usual masculine type but I know myself more than them. I think they're just a bit jealous of me because I can do what I want freely and I'm not bothered of what will others will think of me. But really, it has come to a point where I have to do this.

    If only I'm in Japan and a rocker type and most likely, I know a musical instrument to pay, maybe I could enter or join a visual kei, don't ya think? :P <-- that's only a big joke. XDD~ thanks again imouto! ^___^